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JaredKlief

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About JaredKlief

  • Rank
    Private
  • Birthday 03/15/1985

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Tampa, Florida
  • Interests
    Travel and Photography
  1. Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
  2. An elephant and a camel meet on a road.. Elephant: Say, why is it you have your breasts on your back? The camel paused for a second. Camel: That's an unusual question coming from someone who has a genital on his face.
  3. What do you call an overweight baby? Heavy infantry.
  4. How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Well, it's not hard.
  5. Did you know that you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
  6. What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.
  7. I've scoured the celestial bodies for humor.. The real joke's always in the comets.
  8. Three blonds are out walking in the Forest when they come across a set of tracks.. “Those are deer tracks!” Said the first. “No! They’re antelope tracks!” Said the second “Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks!”said the third. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
  9. A farmer had 196 cows in his field.. When he rounded them up he had 200.
  10. Job interviewer: “So, where would you see yourself in five years’ time?" Me: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
  11. My grandfather survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.. Being in Canada helped.
  12. “Ever since she lost her job, my wife’s identical twin sister is living with us until she gets on her feet,” I told my friend. He asked, “Just want to know, how do you tell them apart?” “Why should I?”
  13. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"
  14. This new thesaurus I bought is the worst.. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
  15. Hey, fellas! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts: Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need.. ...just five more minutes.